http://www.smh.com.au/news/heckler/men- ... 06773.html
Men must stop using the brolly as a weapon of war
Kate Holland
July 14, 2006
SYDNEY has received some well-needed rain, and with it comes the umbrella brigade. Weary soldiers traipse to work with backpacks, briefcases, shoulder bags or those wheelie things, as they navigate the city streets while balancing umbrellas.
When you look around, it appears that the majority of women have the collapsible-style of umbrella that fits in the backpack, tote or briefcase - sensible, unobtrusive and covers the head and shoulders. Some are even large enough to cover two people, at a pinch.
Then we have the men. What is it about men and umbrellas?
They have those large umbrellas previously designed for golfers (the ones who don't use electric carts). Sure, they give good coverage to the head and shoulders, but no matter how large the umbrella, anything below your elbow is going to get wet.
Most of these massive umbrellas are company billboards. The only problem is, when it is raining, who cares which company gave you the umbrella? Additionally, unless you are well over 180 centimetres tall you can't read the ad.
My gripe is not just with the umbrellas' circumference, but they have a long spike at the top. The spike adds to the length of the umbrella but, as far as I can see, is surplus to requirements. The spike's only purpose can be as a means of intimidation - the "my spike is bigger than yours" syndrome.
These men plough their way through the crowd brandishing their umbrellas as they lead the march to their destinations, entangling hapless others and dragging us along. The rest of us are just trying to hang on to our minimalist shelter.
Another gripe is that once the rain has ceased, men must carry the umbrella. If a woman has a large umbrella, even one of those billboards, she carries it like a walking stick, parallel to her body, point down.
A man, however, becomes General Patton. The umbrella is tightly furled, grasped firmly in the middle and carried parallel to the ground. He strikes a marching motion and this previous shelter turns into a ramrod, complete with spike, used to ensure no one can be near him without risking an impaling by ANZ, PWC, Westpac, BT or some other company that has insisted on handing out umbrellas.
Try boarding a bus or train behind one of these guys, wielding his Hummer-type umbrella. No one can board until he has reached his chosen spot, and then he clears an area by striking a pose with the umbrella protruding from his hand, as though he will pole vault over the crowd. If he scores a seat and the umbrella is dry, it is laid across his lap, ensuring that no one can sit next to him.
Gentlemen, get a grip, preferably at that handle end of the umbrella and be dapper, be gentlemen, use it as a walking stick when it is not raining! Failing that, would the companies who insist on awarding these spears please provide lessons on the proper usage of said implements? And get rid of those spikes!
...haha..."my spike is bigger than yours" syndrome (MSIBTY).
