The attached lawsuit could be triggering
By now most of my Facebook friends have done the SafeSport training, or something similar, and have some concept of what grooming children for sexual abuse looks like.
I know all of my friends would say that the sexual abuse of children is bad. But grooming, by its very nature, is tricky. It doesn’t always look a particular way.
I have attached a civil lawsuit that was filed a few months ago. This particular case has nothing to do with the sport of track and field, but what happens here could happen in any sport or youth activity, and it does, it happens all the time.
I’m sharing this because I want people to take a minute to read a case that isn’t as salacious as what usually makes it into the press. No one was raped. Law enforcement has not filed criminal charges against this coach.
There are still, unfortunately, a lot of people who believe that if no laws are broken, someone should be free to coach.
This coach didn’t break any laws, or at least not to a level that prosecutors felt could be proven beyond a reasonable doubt.
The adults around this coach were not concerned by his behavior.
Nevertheless, his behavior had a life-altering impact on his victims. Two bright young women who were planning to attend college, instead ended up on a completely different path, through no fault of their own.
Both victims reached out for help. They told the adults around them what was happening. And the adults around them said things like:
“He’s harmless”
“He’s just awkward”
“He has a wife and kids [therefore there is no chance he has intentions to hurt you]”
And most importantly, none of the adults did anything to protect these young women. They did not notify their superiors or law enforcement. They took no action to ensure the victims felt safe or were safe.
Instead, the victims were left to believe that everyone around them found this behavior acceptable, and that the problem was with them, not the coach.
How do we avoid becoming the other adults in this story?
The odds that a kid will come up to you and tell you “so and so raped me” are low. But the odds that a kid will make a vague comment about another coach or teacher’s behavior are much higher.
They might make a comment about a close friend of yours. A friend that you know very well, that would NEVER do anything inappropriate, that you would leave your kids with in a heartbeat.
Human nature is to blow that comment off.
And that’s what we have to fight against.
We have to recognize that the people we know best are capable of doing things we cannot fathom.
We have to pay attention to how the adults around us are interacting with kids.
We have to exercise good boundaries with our athletes, and work to help create an environment where the other adults are as well.
We have to listen when kids tell us stuff. Ask follow up questions. Report up the chain of command. Go around the chain of command and go to law enforcement when appropriate.
Abuse doesn’t usually start with the big things, it usually starts with the little things.